Hallowe’en. ‘Tis the season to be dark, ghoulish and scary. It would be easy for me to post a list of top five goth songs or death metal songs, or to be relevant and cater to the taste of the masses, maybe even have a run down of favorite songs from the Twilight soundtrack. But I won’t.
It actually would be easier for me to just produce a list of my favorite noisy songs that have a nice mix of guy and girl vocals (good songs like these are quite the find!). But, I’ve never really been relevant in my posts. So in an effort to be timely, I’m fitting in my top noisy songs with a nice mix of guy and girl vocals, with a great hallowe’en genre that has yet to be fully exploited – the zombie love story. We’ve been bombarded with vampire love stories from all around, why not turn the spotlight on the true star of hallowe’en – the zombies. I’m not talking about rom-coms in the vein of Shaun of the Dead. Let’s make our zombie love story ridiculously romantic in a Twilight-like teeny-bopper kind of way. Have we ever seen something like that? (unfortunately, My Boyfriend’s Back doesn’t count).
Now if we did have a zombie love story movie, this would be the soundtrack –
The story has to start with a mysterious moody leading man. He should be cool, so we’ll stick him in a rock band where his greenish pale complexion, bloodshot eyes and rotting flesh scent doesn’t bother anyone. It’s a metal band and he’s the lead singer. His throaty, angry and unintelligible vocals sound so perfect when they play their hit single ‘I Love You for Your Braiiiiins’. He’s called Sid, and our leading lady is a normal, ordinary girl named Nancy. Their names having a foreboding sense of where their relationship is heading to.
The first song plays at the club where Sid is at. He’s eyeing the crowd for potential victims. He has a sweet spot for young ladies. They look as innocent as lambs, he thinks, Or maybe, muttons dressed as lambs –
Johnny Foreigner – Champagne Girls I Know
Not long, he spots Nancy. She’s different. Plain, but different (you guys figure that out). In a split second he’s reminded of his pre-zombie days – when he didn’t look to people for food, but for love (the cheese-factor is set to the maximum level here). There’s longing looks and flirtatious smiles (I’m not sure how they can pull intense gazes with zombie dead eyes though, they might need to hire a really good actor). Not long after, a passionate make-out scene ensues. But, in mid-make out, Sid pulls back in terror as he begins to think about braiiins, sumptous braiiins! A large grumbling sound also emanates from Sid’s stomach, where Nancy reacts with an ‘eww!’ (as if making out with a zombie isn’t disgusting enough), and the romantic mood is further dampened. Sid flees, ashamed. Cue the next song –
Blood Red Shoes – I Wish I Was Someone Better
Sid is hungry and hasn’t eaten in days. By an odd stroke of luck, he encounters a young woman. She just came out of a party, totally hammered, and unaware of anything. He brings her to his place. As she lay unconcious in his bed, he proceeds to take large chunk off of her arm. He hears a scream. It’s Nancy. She knows his secret now. He manages to calm her down and tries to reason with her. He’s surprised that she’s more upset to see him with the skanky girl he picked up at a party. It’s a tearful moment. Think, Star Wars, when Natalie Portman blurts out the immortal line: ‘Anakin, you’re breaking my heart!’. Yet, she tells him that it’s over –
The Answering Machine – It’s Over! It’s Over! It’s Over!
Nancy wasn’t the only one who saw him take a bite off that poor girl. News lets out that a monster is at large. Not long, an angry mob forms and chases after Sid. Nancy, still having love left for Sid, tries to subdue the crowd until Sid can escape to an old mansion up in the hills.
They say, before he went up there, it never snowed. Many years after, Nancy would tell her grandaughter the story – ‘If he weren’t up there now… I don’t think it would be snowing. Sometimes you can still catch me dancing in it. ‘ THE END.
Ok, that might not be the most original movie ending. How about having Sid hacked into pieces by the angry mob in dramatic slo-mo effect as Nancy watches? Then this song would be playing –
Movie execs, you know where to contact me.
artwork: a Threadless tee design by Matheus Lopes Castro
